As the Founder of Purpose Lab, I have worked with dozens of clients to help them uncover who they are, what they want, and what is getting in the way of them reaching their potential. There are three common themes that appear: childhood wounds around perfection, unconscious fears, and disbelief in what is possible.
Each one of us has elements of these in our lives, so this is my story as much as it is my client’s. As I’ve been able to heal myself, it has enabled me to heal others, and to truly understand what they’re going through and how to help.
Many of our parents raised us to do our best and try our hardest. While encouragement is healthy, oftentimes parents have their own wounds from their parents that they then place onto their children. Parents want their children to be successful and so they do the best they can to guide their children in that direction.
What can happen though is that the child takes on a message that they are unworthy of love unless they are perfect and successful. One line from the parent about how to do better on an exam or how to behave correctly in front of others can give the child the impression that who they are is not enough. This can have cascading effects on the rest of the child’s life, without the parent being consciously aware of what transpired.
Many overachievers have taken on these messages and it has allowed us to excel by societal standards. However, at some point in adulthood we realize this pattern is destructive, as our mental wellbeing suffers from anxiety, actually getting in the way of us achieving our purpose.
The other theme that commonly can get in the way of us carrying out our purpose is that we have hidden, competing commitments, fears, and limiting beliefs unconsciously diverting us from our goal. We may say we want something, but actually there are other priorities we have, or we don’t believe in the purpose, or there are doubts about who we are working with, or perhaps we are unsure we are capable of taking on the new responsibility.
It’s important to be really honest with ourselves about what we want and what we’re afraid of. I’ve had clients come to realize that they’re working on a current project more so out of fear than out of purpose. Start making a list of everything that scares you about actually reaching your goal. See what other priorities, fears, and limiting beliefs are actually pushing you in a direction away from your stated goal.
Disbelief in What is Possible
While our society tells us we can do anything we want to do, how many of us actually believe it? There are unseen pressures to stay in line, be normal, and not think too much outside of the box. There are roles we are supposed to obey according to our gender, race, class, culture, religion. There are definitions of success we are supposed to uphold, which we are told happiness depends on. It can feel like our parents and friends are keeping us trapped in a role we don’t want to play anymore.
Often this means we give up a part of who we truly are for who we think we should be. We can be afraid to actually be our authentic selves because we are worried that who we are is unlovable. We may think that if we really followed our curiosities and desires, if we did that wild thing we’ve been dreaming of, then people would think we were crazy and we would lose connection.
Yet we limit ourselves with our disbelief in what is possible. It can be terrifying to truly believe that we can be more than we are, that we do have a soul’s calling and a destiny to fulfill in our lifetime that may be outside of the cookie-cutter life. I have had to overcome many limiting beliefs about what I am capable of, and each time, I realize it was all a manifestation in my mind, and that I do create my reality with each thought.
Steps You Can Take
To get started on fulfilling your purpose, visualize your future. Imagine your dream scenario – what would you be doing, who would you be with, what would it feel like, where would you be? Really embody the experience, feel it in your conscious awareness, and know that it is within your reach. Know that you can have a life that is different from your parents, peers, and society. You can stretch the boundaries, have wild and crazy dreams, and create a better world that works for all.
This is also a good time to really reflect on who you are. Are you reaching towards a goal because it’s actually your purpose, or because you believe you should be doing it? Is there something else you really would rather be doing, or is this your true calling and you are getting in your own way with limiting beliefs about yourself? What hidden commitments or fears are you not acknowledging that are unconsciously running the show?
In my coaching and healing work, I have developed techniques to uncover these fears, limiting beliefs, and childhood wounds to bring them to conscious awareness. After just one session, I have helped my clients rewire emotional patterns that have been with them their whole life. I created a transformative visualization process to rewrite childhood memories to bring understanding to the situation and create new, healthy patterns in the present day. The process is holistic, involving the body, emotions, energy, the subconscious, and spirituality.
I have seen profound results from this process, with panic attacks being cured, stomach aches subsiding, and anger, anxiety, and self-doubt being released. The key is to start noticing emotional patterns that arise in you as you work towards your purpose. Become very curious about them. What messages are these emotions giving you? Where did they come from? Are they true?
Once you start to know yourself on this intimate level, you can become more aware of what you really want in life and who you truly are. This is why I founded Purpose Lab – to awaken all of us to our potential, to love ourselves for who we are, and to become the passionate, creative beings we are meant to be. The world is waiting for us to wake up to our purpose and be the change we want to see in the world. The time is now to let go of our doubts, and step into our magnificent wholeness.