In uncovering who you are, what you want, and what is getting in the way of you reaching your potential, there are three common themes that appear often: childhood wounds around perfection, unconscious fears, and disbelief in what is possible.
Something I hear over and over again from clients is, “It feels so selfish for me to worry about myself when other people have it worse,” or, “Well, I know I really shouldn’t feel this way when other people are suffering more.” Some variation of this has come up dozens, maybe hundreds of times in the years I’ve been practicing, and before that, it was something I ran up against on a personal level.
I used to be caught up in that cycle of negativity myself. Then it dawned on me that none of other people’s angry behavior is actually about me. When someone cuts me off in traffic, bumps into and swears at me, or loses their temper because of a mistake made at work, I remind myself: “This is not about me.”
The way we attach and bond with our babies is directly impacted by how we attached and bonded with our parents. Thus, the conscious and unconscious memories of what it means to be a good parent, a bad parent, to love, to bond, to trust come flowing out of us without us even knowing it.
And then people started telling me I might be depressed. I knew it might be true, but I didn’t want to believe it. I’d never had health issues. I broke my arm at age one when I fell out of my stroller, and I had my wisdom teeth taken out at age 18, but those were my only interactions with the medical system aside from routine checkups and vaccinations. Confronted with my own possible mental health issue, I had no idea what I should do.
I used to think therapy was for more serious cases, like depression or if you can’t handle the stress of something. I thought you had to specifically be struggling to be happy in everyday life. That wasn’t me.
But in my first session, I found just by talking and thinking about what’s going on internally, I learned more about how I functioned. It was interesting to try and describe to my therapist who I am.